Picture this:
You’re three weeks into a new workout routine. You feel strong. Consistent. Proud.
Then life happens.
Work explodes. The kids get sick. You miss a few workouts in a row.
And that inner voice jumps in real fast:
“I’m just not disciplined enough. I always do this. I’m the problem.”
Pause.
That voice is loud but it’s not helpful.
The Blame Game Trap
When we turn setbacks into character flaws, something big happens:
we stop solving problems.
Self-criticism pulls us into shame and all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of adapting the plan, we abandon it. Instead of looking for leverage, we spiral.
Research in cognitive psychology shows that self-blame increases emotional reactivity and reduces cognitive flexibility... meaning it actually makes it harder to learn, adapt, and plan.
Curiosity does the opposite.
What Curiosity Does to Your Brain (The Helpful Version)
When you shift from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What needs adjusting?” a few powerful things happen:
You improve learning and adaptability
A strategy-focused, growth-oriented mindset is associated with greater cognitive flexibility: the brain’s ability to update plans, learn from feedback, and try new approaches.
You increase self-efficacy
Psychologist Albert Bandura’s work shows that people who believe they can influence outcomes through their actions are more likely to persist, adjust, and follow through... especially when things get messy.
In plain terms:
When you stay curious, you stay in the game.
How to Use This in Real Life
The next time your fitness plan goes sideways, try this three-step reset:
Step 1: Pause the blame
Notice the “I’m terrible at this” story and interrupt it.
Say it out loud if you need to: “That’s not useful right now.”
Step 2: Get curious
Ask: “What part of my strategy hit friction?”
Was the timing unrealistic? The volume too high? Recovery too low? Life louder than expected?
Step 3: Run a small experiment
Treat the next week like data collection.
“Let me try mornings instead of evenings.”
“Let me plan three workouts instead of five.”
“Let me simplify meals instead of over-prepping.”
No drama. Just information.
A Real Example
If you planned to train five days this week and hit two, instead of:
“I have no willpower. I’ll never be consistent.”
Try:
“Interesting. Five days didn’t match my current season. What would make three days realistic and actually repeatable?”
One response shuts the door.
The other opens options.
Your Next Move
This week, pick one area where you’ve been stuck in self-criticism... workouts, nutrition, sleep, recovery.
Instead of asking:
“Why can’t I get this right?”
Ask:
“What would make this easier to follow through on?”
Then adjust one variable and see what happens.
That’s what separates people who build momentum from people who stay stuck. They stay curious, not critical.
If you’re ready to stop fighting yourself and start building systems that actually fit your life, our coaching team is here to help.
You bring the effort. We’ll bring the plan.
Ready to stop fighting yourself and start optimizing your strategy? Our coaching team specializes in helping people like you build sustainable systems that actually work with your life, not against it. [Learn more about our coaching programs.]
Working in I.T. for the vast majority of my adult life, I am very good at problem solving. Diagnosing what the cause is and how to fix it is something I take pride in. Unless I am emotionally involved, then logic goes out the window. This article hits home in that regard. If it is something I am invested in and I fail, logical solutions do not apply. I will try these techniques. Thanks for posting.